Date: 2009-07-01 12:55 Subject: Whee! Security: Public

Still your most dancingest seller of stuffed animal pillows in the biggest Mall in America.

As you all know, I hate it when people ask me for directions. It's a combination of factors, the main three of which are; There's a directory visible and easily gotten to from my cart, my job is not actually to give random people directions, and it presupposes that the time they'd save in actually doing something for themselves is more important than the time it takes me to try to remember where the shit a store is (because I don't shop at the Mall). My job is to sell pillows. If you have no interest in buying pillows, then really, honestly, truly, I have absolutely no responsibility to you. Now, some people are nice enough to help you randomly even if they have no reason to, but I am not one of those people. If you catch me in a good mood, I might be nice enough to point you in the direction I think the store is if I happen to remember seeing it. But really and truly, you're probably the tenth person to ask me for directions in the past hour, so unless you're buying a pillow and thus ensuring my ability to continue eating food, the best you'll get out of me is "There's a directory right over there, sir"

Imagine how much *more* annoying it is, then, when someone who is not buying anything attempts to interrupt my conversation with an *actual* customer in order to not only ask me for directions, but directions to a store that is VERY FUCKING CLEARLY VISIBLE FROM THE SPOT THEY ARE STANDING!

People who do this (and yes, I do mean that plural), you are hereby cordially invited to choke on my fuckstick.

Date: 2009-06-23 13:30 Subject: THAT'S IT! Security: Public

Ok people. I'm going to talk at you about something that has been building up for a while. It's minor, I admit, but it's one of those minor things that people keep shoveling into, eventually making it all erupt into the air like a barrel of pig shit you just shot with a shotgun.

Livejournal Cuts.

Livejournal allows for this nifty bit of HTML that allows you to cut a particularly long or akwardly shaped post (or picture) so that it doesn't screw around with the main page of your friend's page. All in all, I thnk this is a nifty peice of technology. It's polite when you make a habit of saying not kid friendly things but you might have kids on your list (not that it really stops a kid from clicking the LJ-Cut link, and if you're reading Livejournal with your six year old on your lap, maybe you should stop doing that, but I digress). But as with all nifty things, fucking *people* got a hold of it.

So let me say this loudly, and clearly. POSTS THAT ARE TWO PARAGRAPHS ARE NOT 'HUGE', AND DO NOT NEED AN LJ-CUT! You people need to get your fucking panties out of a wad. I'm tired of seeing people respond to one or two paragraph posts with "could you cut this? It's huge!". No, it's fucking NOT! If the post is a ten paragraph monstrosity? Sure, cut it. If the post contains a picture that makes a person scroll sideways? Sure, cut that bitch.

If my post is only a few paragraphs long, I don't need to fucking cut it. You need to get familiar with your god fucking scroll wheel.

Alright? Alright. We good? Well, I'm good. And that's what's important.

Date: 2009-06-05 23:40 Subject: Cafes are for coffee, internet surfing, and beer. NOTHING ELSE! Security: Public

I've decided that I'm probably never going to eat at another cafe style place again. I never enjoy my meals there. They always try too damn hard to be fancy, and thus end up making me sad. When I want actual food, I don't want to deal with fancy ass food that seems to be mixed with random types of vegetables, half of which I hate. Seriously, it's like when they think up entrees, they spin the Wheel O' Veggies.

"OOoh! Ravioli's stuffed with arugala and pesto!". Fuck you. Just stuff it with ground beef, alright?
"Oooh, we will make a hamburger..BUT WE'LL PUT AVACADO ON IT AND PUT IT ON WHOLE GRAIN DWARVEN BATTLE BREAD! Hell, why should we have ANY OTHER KIND OF BREAD IN THE WHOLE DAMN PLACE?! We're a fancy cafe, people *expect* whole grain dwarven battle bread!"
"Oh, you just wanted aslice of basic cheese? TOO DAMN BAD! HAVE THIS FANCY ASS FRENCH CHEESE THAT YOU CAN'T PRONOUNCE AND WE ADD TWO BUCKS TOTHE COST OF YOUR FOOD FOR!"


Tonight, I wanted to go to a chinese buffet. I was cajoled into going to some cafe style place, because they have one of my favoritest beers ever on tap. THe beer was good. But there was precisely *shit* on that menu I wanted to eat. I fnally ordered their chicken wings, which was an appetizer and not an entree, so I knew from the get go it wouldn't be enough food. THey said "cooked in balsamic vinegar". Ok, that should be at least vaguly tasty. BUt no! The cook seemed to forget that balasmic vinegar is supposed to be a subtle taste! It's not supposed to be used like fucking *ketchup*. They may have been the worst damn wings I've ever had. And given that I wasn't feeling well anyway, I couldn't even really enjoy the beer.

So, Dinner tonight = fail. Fucking cafes.

Date: 2009-06-01 23:00 Subject: Hooray! Security: Public

You know, it's so convienent that WWE has finally put all their wrestlers I actually give a damn about on one show, and all their wrestlers that have been in the spotlight too god damned fucking long and I'm so sick and fucking tired of on another one. Now, I can just watch Smackdown, and I don't have to deal with *any* annoying wrestler that stopped being entertaining three years ago!

Ok, that's not fair to all the Raw wrestlers. I mean, Matt Hardy is on RAW.

Date: 2009-06-01 13:35 Subject: Internet Argument 101 Security: Public Tags: weird arguments

I just had this discussion with an online friend of mine, and I'M just horrendously amused at how quickly we went through the entire internet argument structure.

10:44:55 AM) bansheeish one: Hmm. Perhaps I'm not as enlightened as I think.

(10:45:12 AM) Friend X: This is entirely possible
(10:45:30 AM) bansheeish one: I'm watching Magical GIrl Lyrical Nanoha. And it's your standard magical girl anime, with all the appropriate tropes. But the main character is a grade schooler, so she's like, 9?

(10:45:45 AM) Friend X: Thereabouts, probably
(10:45:48 AM) bansheeish one: So, I breeze over the fact that she's naked during transformation. That's just how these things go, and it's not graphic, so meh.
(10:46:01 AM) bansheeish one: But apparently, the "cute fuzzy animal who's really a person who hangs out with the magical girl sees the magical girl strip down to her underwear for some reason and is embaressed" trope squicked me a bit.
(10:46:20 AM) bansheeish one: Which is weird, because it was actually stupidly tame and pretty obviously there just because it's a part of the genre, but, meh.
(10:46:48 AM) bansheeish one: I think it may be because that particular trope is always used to increase romantic/sexual tension between the girl and the possible love interest. Only...you know. She's 9

(10:47:04 AM) Friend X: And what would make you more enlightened as far as this is concerned?
(10:47:47 AM) bansheeish one: I dunno. I think being able to breeze over it with the logic of "It's pretty clearly in there because it's a trope, and it's likely the artists didn't even consider the original purpose of the trope".
(10:48:02 AM) bansheeish one: I mean, that's how I React to teenage girls wearingbondage pants. I.E., "They thought it was cool and don't know the original meaning".

(10:48:57 AM) Friend X: Well, bear in mind. It's not just in there as a trope. Certain cultures have different ideas about sex and children. They still marry female children off to adult men in India
(10:49:05 AM) bansheeish one: That too.

(10:49:19 AM) Friend X: Perfect example was I watched Memoirs of a Geisha over the weekend
(10:49:29 AM) bansheeish one: Haven't seen that, but I've heard it wa sgood.

(10:50:06 AM) Friend X: The epiphany event for this 9-year old girl in the movie is having a most-certainly adult man stop and buy her cherry ice. She decides she wants to work hard and become a geisha so she can meet him again and be part of his world.
(10:50:10 AM) Friend X: It was very good.
(10:51:06 AM) Friend X: Here's the thing - you find out later that the adult male was instrumental in the girl getting a chance at being a geisha, and at the end he comes and tells her that he orchestrated the entire thing and that he cares for her
(10:51:22 AM) Friend X: So I don't think the whole "little girl" thing is a trope. It's cultural
(10:51:59 AM) Friend X: Hell, it's pretty well known that ALL men, no matter the culture, tend to prefer women who have some child-like features.

(10:52:02 AM) bansheeish one: The "little girl" thing isn't the trope. The "magical girl undresses to her underwear in a completely innocent manner while love interest watches" is a trope.
(10:52:11 AM) bansheeish one: ...ok, now you're making shit up :P

(10:52:18 AM) Friend X: No, not really.
(10:52:24 AM) bansheeish one: [citation needed]

(10:53:05 AM) Friend X: Well, the most recent citation would be from a book on body language I'm reading. Obviously, I don't have it in front of me as I'm at work. But if you dig around some, you'll find it comes up
(10:53:29 AM) bansheeish one: Since you're the one accusing all men of latent pedophiliac tendencies, I'm thinking you're the one who'll need to provide the proof :P
(10:54:03 AM) bansheeish one: Now, it *is* true that many cultures have a thing about younger women. But then it becomes a very interesting discussion of a chicken and the egg scenario.
(10:54:36 AM) bansheeish one: Not to mention, if that's true of guys, it's equally true of women, when the sexual ideal of men is held up to be hairless and finely chiseled and other such things.
(10:57:07 AM) bansheeish one: And of course, there's still some cultural hold-over from the fact that most societies used puberty as the telling point for when people were marrying age, and we're only just now recently getting to the point where we've decided that chronological age is a better telling point.

(10:57:32 AM) Friend X: Actually, women tend to be attracted to men whom they feel can protect them
(10:58:00 AM) bansheeish one: Does that have to do with people likeing child like features, or does it have to do with cultural easiness? The younger you marry your kids off, the earlier you can stop having a burden and start getting the benefits of your kid being married.
(10:59:08 AM) bansheeish one: Now, I don't know much about your book. But in my experience of such books, any essay/writing/what not that tries to pin cultural holdovers on inborn desires is usually not full to the brim of hard, peer-reviewed evidence :P

(10:59:36 AM) Friend X: And it wasn't an accusation of pedophilia - we're not talking 3 years olds here, we're talking the young teens. It's lizard-brain stuff, really. Men want a young woman who can procreate, women want someone who can protect them and their offspring
(10:59:59 AM) Friend X: Stop and think about why men like women who shave

(11:00:13 AM) bansheeish one: Ah. Sorry, we started in the context of a 9 year old girl, so I kinda went with that :P
(11:00:15 AM) Friend X: Some stuff is just hardwired in there

(11:00:49 AM) bansheeish one: I *do* think there's something in human kind's lizard brain that goes "younger = better for mating". However, that's a far cry from "all men like a woman with some child-like features"
(11:02:06 AM) Friend X: No, it was your own personal weirdness that twisted that, m'dear.

(11:02:47 AM) bansheeish one: (10:51:59 AM) Friend X: Hell, it's pretty well known that ALL men, no matter the culture, tend to prefer women who have some child-like features.
(11:02:52 AM) Friend X: The comment stands. Men like women who look young - clear, fresh skin, shaved, most prefer someone slender (not anorexic by any means), shorter than they, etc.
(11:03:11 AM) Friend X: There's nothing wrong with the comment - YOU and YOUR personal fixations did the interpretation

(11:03:39 AM) bansheeish one: And how, precisely, is one to take the comment "All men tend to perfer women who have some child-like features"? That seems pretty straight forward.
(11:03:39 AM) Friend X: Which makes sense, given it's a hot button for you
(11:03:57 AM) Friend X: Well, I just described in factual terms what the comment meant

(11:04:10 AM) bansheeish one: ...I dunno that I'd say "hot-button". I said "the use of this particular trope seems out of place given the context of the rest of the show"
(11:04:30 AM) bansheeish one: And yes, you retreated back to a more safe position of "well, men find younger women, like, teenagers, better for mating".

(11:04:52 AM) Friend X: Hon, the subject is a hot button for you. It always has been.
(11:05:02 AM) Friend X: There's nothing wrong with that, but at least be aware of it

(11:05:21 AM) bansheeish one: No, no it really hasn't. Some people got it into their heads that because I had a younger looking character, I have some thing about younger looking women.
(11:05:34 AM) bansheeish one: Completely ignoring all the *not* younger looking characters I had.
(11:05:56 AM) Friend X: Bingo - and that's why this has become a hot button for you. You've been "burned" before by the issue, so it's triggering
(11:06:10 AM) bansheeish one: Uh...no. But thank you for the attempt at psychoanalyzation.

(11:06:26 AM) Friend X: The point is, my statement wasn't an accusation against you, or any man. You're the one who took it that way.
(11:06:35 AM) bansheeish one: I didn't take it as an accusation.
(11:06:40 AM) Friend X: Heh - you can say no, but your actions state otherwise. *laugh*

(11:06:48 AM) bansheeish one: I took it was an incorrect statement. The two are not the same.
(11:06:55 AM) Friend X: [09:53] bansheeish one: Since you're the one accusing all men of latent pedophiliac tendencies, I'm thinking you're the one who'll need to provide the proof
(11:07:01 AM) Friend X: Yes, you did take it as an accusation

(11:07:07 AM) bansheeish one: Again, you said "all men like child-like features".
(11:07:16 AM) bansheeish one: That is a statement of having some pedophiliac tendencies.

(11:07:30 AM) Friend X: No, it's not. You're interpreting it that way.
(11:08:59 AM) Friend X: But it's neither here nor there, and certainly not worth grappling over

(11:11:04 AM) bansheeish one: pe⋅do⋅phil⋅i⋅a  Show Spelled Pronunciation [pee-duh-fil-ee-uh] Show IPA –noun Psychiatry. sexual desire in an adult for a child.
(11:11:17 AM) bansheeish one: Pretty straightforward there, sweet stuff.
(11:11:41 AM) bansheeish one: That being said. The safer position you retreated to, in which you stated that we're hardwired to see "young = better for mating" would be very, very hard to disprove.
(11:12:06 AM) bansheeish one: AT this point, however, it's at least as much cultural as it is genetic/instinctive. And then we get back to a chicken and the egg discussion.
(11:13:03 AM) bansheeish one: Also, liking women who shave is a cultural thing. A good number of women in Europe don't actually shave, at least from what I've been told by people who live there, and I'd be hard pressed to believe that women in places like Yemen and Iran are allowed the amount of vanity it would take to shave. Maybe they do. But I doubt it.

(11:13:47 AM) Friend X: Did you not note "child-LIKE" features? I didn't say "All men like children." Far from it. I said they like child-like features, meaning they prefer their women to have features one sees in children: like the clear, fresh skin, less body hair, being shorter, being slender, and so forth.

(11:14:43 AM) bansheeish one: Right. And that's why I used the phrase "latent pedophiliac tendencies" rather than "pedophile". One indicates subconcious wishes for things along that line, the other indicates full blown. When one is arguing semantics, one must take into account *all* semantics.

So, let's see. We have "mitigation of damage through appearance of compromise" ("well, women want someone who can protect them"). Retreat to a safer position ("men like younger teens, really, and that use of the words 'child like' was meant to denote young teens!") attack of person ('you wouldn't be acting this way if it wasn't a hotbutton topic') and arguing of semantics ('I didn't mean *child* when I said 'child like'...)

Ain't the internet grand?

Date: 2009-05-08 18:59 Subject: Victory! Security: Public

I just finished snaking out a particularly annoying clog from our bathroom sink.

Oh, that clog *tried* to hold on. It worked very, very hard to not let go. We used an entire bottle of high grade drain cleaning liquid, to no avail. The clog scoffed at our pathetic attempts to use a plunger. But I would not be denied!

With the eye of a warrior, I went to the hardware store to take up an appropriate weapon. I quickly found the shelves full of drain snakes. But no mere snake would do! No, I found a gun-like apparatus, complete with a grip and a rotating handle. Armed with what I now call "Clog-Smasher", I stepped into the bathroom. With the might of my hands, I ripped apart the pipes so as to get an easier shot at the clog.

Oh, but that clog did hold on. It was an epic, half hour struggle. The clog would attempt to shove back the snake. It hid deep within the recesses of our pipes. But I would not be denied! I shoved and pushed the length of Clog-Smasher into the pipes, the pointed-spiral of it's tip aimed at the clog like the finger of God at a trailer park in Alabama. Three times I had to pull the whole length of Clog-Smasher back out of the pipe, to pull clog-body parts off my weapon. But even being rent in half wouldn't make the clog relent in it's ceaseless clogging of my drain! So back into the fray I would leap, once more tossing aside bits of hair and whatever other gunk was part of this clog like a pissed off tornado throws around rusted out engine parts, until finally. Finally! I emerged victorious!

No drain remains clogged while I still breath! No clog can withstand the might of Clog-Smasher! I AM AS SUPER FUCKING MARIO, BITCHNUTS, AND I WILL NOT BE DENIED!

Now where's Princess Toadstool with my blowjob?

Date: 2009-04-06 20:33 Subject: (no subject) Security: Public

Surreal moment.

Have you ever seen something that made you think about what your life might be like if one thing had been different, and suddenly, for just a moment, you are that different person. For one fleeting moment, you see life the way they do, you feel what they feel, think what they think, know what they know. And then it's gone. And you find yourself wondering, did you make all that up? It was too real to dismiss utterly. Did you happen to share a rare moment with a worldview that was alien to yours? Or does that you exist, somewhere else, in another space and time? And if so, what are they like? Why did that one different thing make them so different from you? And what would it take for you to be that person?

And then you forget about it all, because you have to get to work, and it's your turn to do the stock, and those numbers are always tough to keep track of. And you're left with nothing but a faint feeling that, for good or for ill, something else might have been.

Date: 2009-03-27 01:14 Subject: Thoughts about anime Security: Public

You know, if I was a Japanese Woman Ninja, and I had to go do ninja things, I'd wear an iron breast plate and a chastity belt.

Sure, it would make it tougher to do ninja things, but when the inevitable rape attempt happened, they'd have to work that much harder for it.

Date: 2009-03-19 22:22 Subject: Diary of a Kiosk Worker, page 5 Security: Public

SORRY ABOUT THAT! I've had a long day...week...month...year.

Date: 2009-03-18 17:32 Subject: Diary of a Kiosk Worker, page 4 Security: Public

Like I said, you guys are liable to keep getting these daily until I have something better to do. AND WYNGARDE CAN NOT SAVE YOU!



( Read more... )

Date: 2009-03-17 22:19 Subject: Diary of a Kiosk Worker, page 3 Security: Public

Here you go. Today's entry. I don't know how many more entries "in a row" you guys are gonna get, but as long as I'm bored and have nothing better to do, you can pretty much be assured I'll write shit.


( Read more... )

Date: 2009-03-16 22:21 Subject: Diary of a Kiosk Worker, page 2 Security: Public

Monday's diary. Read...AT YOUR OWN RISK! Or...ya know. Whatever.

( Read more... )

Date: 2009-03-13 23:14 Subject: Diary of a Kiosk Worker Security: Public

Warning. It's long. But I've decided to try an experiment. Going to see what happens if I keep a work diary. So...here.



( Read more... )

Date: 2009-03-09 21:37 Subject: Avoiding Wank on the Fump Security: Public

I'm posting this here because I'm trying to avoid leaving wank all over the fump's comment section.


So, Beth Kinderman (gamerchick here on LJ, I don't know how to link to shit so you'll have to type it into the search!) posted a version of her song Zombies. This version is in Japanese. And someone posted a bunch of whining about how the fump is supposed to be for funny songs and how can you tell if a song is funny if you can't understand it! The fump isn't supposed to be a "look what I can do with my nifty language skills" place!

Leaving aside that Sideshow songs actually have to get approved before they get put up, and therefore the person to complain to is the Fump moderator people and not the artist specifically, the guy was *seriously* whining about the song being in a different language. Cry me a fucking river of emo tears, emo.

I admit that the joke is a bit meta, but I think just the mere existance of the song Zombies in Japanese is giggle worthy. I listen to it, and I'm picturing a bunch of big eyed, small mouthed zombies that inexplicably have tentacles shuffeling down the street, while a guy with a huge ass sword and even bigger hair pauses dramatically to pontificate on the nature of power and strength before performing a special attack that takes no less than twenty lens-flares to pull off and slicing down a swath of zombies, leaving carnage in his wake!

Then the Zombie Lord rises from the ground, and there's more pontificating on the nature of power and strength and how it relates to undead zombanity, before the hero unleashes his special attack again! But this time, the Zombie is too powerful for him! They take about two full episodes to power themselves up before unleashing the big, major mega attack that levels half the city but leaves them both alive somehow, fighting on a rock in space! The rock hurtles through the universe as the two unleash lens flare after lensflare, until finally the hero unleashes his ULTRA MEGA EPIC ATTACK! His hair grows longer and yet somehow even *more* spikey, and the Zombie Lord screams out how he can't possibly underrstand how the hero could have so much power before being shreded to ribbons in a huge blast of energy!

...I'll get my coat.

Date: 2009-03-01 13:59 Subject: EXCLUSIVE! Security: Public

TUNE IN IN THREE HOURS 17 MINUTES to find out the real scoop on Baldbox!  The greatest comedy endeavor in time and space, and those tiny rolled up dimensions too!

Seriously. EXCLUSIVE! http://www.dementiaradio.org

Oh yeah, that'd be at 5pm CST :P

Date: 2009-02-28 23:24 Subject: Sometimes, people piss me off Security: Public

You know what I wish I had? I wish I had the power to make people see what I've seen. I would, of course, heinously abuse this power to make people watch porn, but other than that, there is one very, very important use I would put it to.

Every time someone goes off on how abortion stops a beating heart, about how they are against the murder of people via abortion, I would use my power. I would make them see the children born to crack whores, who are addicted to crack themselves and often die from withdrawl. The babies thrown into dumpsters, still alive, because what the shit else was a drugged out whore to do with them? The children who were huddeling with their mothers in alleyway, starving to death, because no one would help them without putting them in a children's home that would be just as bad as living on the street.

And then I would tell them that if they want me to be against abortion, they have to find a way to stop these things. They have to accept that we, as a society, can not say "Don't have abortions, but you can't have any help in taking care of your kids". That we can not complain about the murder of unborn infants if we do not give people any better fucking option! Because I agree with them that abortion kills. But I have *yet* to see them offer these children anything better than a quick and merciful death.


Gah. Fucking idealougs, so intent on saving the world that they don't even fucking notice they're killing it.

Date: 2009-02-25 11:33 Subject: Meme, or something Security: Public

So. Apparently, if you post up 5 words you think about when you think of me, I'll explain them in a post. Or something.

From Gamerchick

Wrestling – Wrestling was one of those things I loved as a kid, and then kind of fell out of being interested in. The mid to late eighties was when I first watched it, with Hogan and Macho Man Randy Savage doing their feuds. I'm not sure why I Liked it, exactly, as I was much too young. When I was in high school, however,general public interest picked up wrestling (it was the era of Stone Cold Steve Austin, who was really the first pro-wrestler after Hogan to generate interest in non-wrestling fans). As a teenager, I Liked the over the top stories, mostly. Mick Foley, however, was the first and only wrestler of the “Attitude Era” to really catch my interest and make me take a really, really hard look at it. I read his auto-biography, learned more about the business, and my teenage brain thought “Wait. Acting, looking all manly even though you have your face is another man's crotch, and you get to put on an over-the-top fight?! I WANT TO DO THIS!”. The day of my first match was probably one of the greatest moments of my life, right next to the day I discovered beer and the day I figured out how to masturbate. I remember being so fucking nervous before my entrance music started playing. But like so many similar situations in my life, as soon as I was on stage and in character, everything just flowed.

Dementia Radio – I happened upon Dementia Radio as much by accident as anything. I found out about it one Marscon when I Heard Luke Ski had a show on it, so I listened for a while. Next Marscon, I ran into DJ Particle doing her show, and me being who I am, I immediately made myself available and made an ass of myself. It was later that night, however, when things really picked up. See, Blacksmith had a live stream going, but the microphone was just kind of sitting there. And there were all these Dementia Artists just standing around talking. I saw an empty microphone, I saw people who could be annoyed with said microphone, and the rest, as they say, is history.
 

Alcohol – True fact. I drink half as much as I boast about, and twice as much as my fiancee wishes I'd drink. Conventions are my benders, and I'll only drink occasionally during the week (maybe a couple of beers before and during my show). I do this on purpose, too. I have a lot of addicts in my family, and a lot of people who were very stupid involving recreational narcotics. So whenever I manage to enjoy a recreational drug responsibly, I get to feel self-righteous. And I think we all know how much I like feeling self-righteous. Still, though, the All Powerful Nateboi drinks a lot, even if Nate doesn't. And I do enjoy getting drunk occasionally. So Conventions are my benders.

George Carlin – George Carlin is one of my inspirations. I think this is because he was the first comic I heard when I was actually getting old enough to understand that there could be humor in accepting the way things are, even if they suck. I did not have what you would call an easy childhood, and much of my early teenage years were spent trying to pretend things were better than they were. Carlin pointed out “Nah, things suck. Might as well laugh about it”. That was really refreshing. Of course, I'm not sure how healthy it was, but it was refreshing.

Writing – When I interviewed R.A. Salvatore, I asked him “What would you suggest to people who'd like to be writers?”. His answer was “If you can quit, quit. If you can't quit, then you're a writer”. That's about the wisest words I've ever heard involving writing. For most all my life, I've had these stories to tell. Granted, how I told them has evolved (a lot. Seriously, I'm almost ashamed of some of my early works), but I've always told them. When I was younger, they got told in the form of comic books drawn poorly upon notebook paper (while I was supposed to be doing classwork, natch), then I eventually moved on to poorly written fan-fiction, and then poorly written play by post RP. It wasn't until I was about 19 that I wrote a story that I still think is actually worth something. Amusingly, the setting of that story has spiraled into a full RPG setting and the setting of my first full length book.

Date: 2009-02-23 21:13 Subject: Ok, who did this?! Security: Public

ALright, one of you fuckers is responsible for making me actually cry a few tears of joy.

James Cole, I got your box. As soon as I figure out who the hell you are, I will hump the shit out of you like an overly excited puppy!

DON'T THINK I WON'T!

EDIT: FOUND THE PERPETRATOR! The sneak ordered it off of e-bay! That was why I didn't recognize the name!

Date: 2009-02-23 08:28 Subject: X-Posted from Customers Suck Security: Public

Greetings! I work at a kiosk in the biggest mall in America, selling stuffed animal pillows. I used to work at a holiday kiosk selling chocolate, but that went away after the holidays. So now? Now I sell pillows.

Now, some people may get confused. They may seem to think that it's perfectly acceptable to do a particular thing because they've seen someone else do it, and I responded as if I accepted it. BUt then when they proceed to do the same thing, I respond much more coldly. There is a purpose for this, and it's not because I don't like you. The difference? Some people have purchased something, thus ensuring my paycheck and making them a customer. If you have not, in fact, purchased anything from me, you are wasting my time by attempting to discuss certain things with me. And if you have no desire to buy a pillow at all, you're wasting my time even *harder*.

But, since it can be confusing, I have made a list of things that are acceptable if you have purchased a pillow, and why the purchase of a pillow makes them acceptable.

Asking me for directions: I am not Guest Information. I am not a directory. In fact, there is a directory within eye view of any place you'd have to stand in order to ask me where something is. There is a guest information desk a short walk away. Asking me for directions is taking the time I could be doing straightening up, doing paperwork, talking to other customers, or taking a well deserved few minutes to just sit and not have to talk to anyone. Plus, I don't actually *like* the Mall itself. The only things I actually know where they are is either Food Court, and Underwater Adventures because, let's face it, if you could go pet a sting ray for free, you would too (yay mall employee benefits!). However, if you've purchased a pillow from me, that makes you a customer. That means you have directly benefited to my overall health and well being, the security of my family, and my ability to buy groceries. In such a situation, I will gladly attempt to help you find something, though in truth, it will usually be by saying "I *think* it's over yonder, but you'll probably want to check the directory".

Talking to me about Jesus: I don't care about your cannibalized God made flesh. Seriously. I've been there, done that, got the t-shirt, trained for the ministry, there is literally nothing about Jebus that you can tell me that I do not already know and could not make a good showing for myself during a theological debate on the topic. I'm not going to convert. Talking to me about The Jayzuz is a waste of both our times, because I'm not going to convert, so you're wasting your time, *and* you're wasting my time by taking up time I could be using to do something much more entertaining, like dancing with a stuffed frog while singing Rainbow Connection. However, if you purchase a pillow from me, and have therefore contributed to my ability to purchase booze, I will happily discuss with you my ministerial credentials, what classes I took from what school, what church I grew up in, and other such Jebus related things. You're still wasting your time, mind you, because  I'm not going to convert. But you're paying me monies, which means you are a customer, and you are allowed to waste your time in whatever way you see fit.

Trying to prove how Gangsta' you are: Sir, I am a professional wrestler. In addition, I was actually homeless for six months. And by "homeless", I do not mean "slept on a friend's couch", I mean "dug in dumpsters for food and used glass bottles to scare off people who wanted to steal my bag and rape me". You, however, are a seventeen year old idiot who has more money than he knows what to do with and lives in Bloomington, Minnesota. A place, I must remind you, that is not precisely known for it's heavy gangsta' roots. Not only is your act not particularly impressive to me, but I am also of the opinion that you should pull up your pants. Oh, what's that? You'd like to purchase a pillow? Yes sir, you're very street. My apologies for not noticing it before.

Playing with my pillows/yanking pillows from the bottom of the pile: Now, this is kind of a grey area. One of the biggest features of our pillows is how amazingly soft they are, so we do *want* you to feel them. So I don't mind if you rub them for a bit. However, if you're going to rub them on your face for a full minute, give them to your child to drool on, and then put it back, I hate you. I am actually thinking of implementing a rule that if your child drools on a pillow, you have purchased it. However, we do want you to feel our pillows, which is why when we stack the pillows, we fold up the pillow on th etop of the stack so that it's the most noticable and, therefore, the one you are most likely to touch. Now, we're not dumb. We know people are going to want to buy the "less touched" one. THis is one fo the reasons we always put the new ones at the top of the stack, so when you yank a pillow out from the bottom of the stack to buy it, you're actually buying one of the older ones. But if you're buying it? I don't care. I'm willing to re-stack the pillows with a smile on my face, because you have directly contributed to my ability to suck carcinogens into my lungs. But if you're not going to buy one? Then leave the god damned pillows stacked the way they are, and feel the one on top, you fucking fucks. The shelf is only four feet high. ARe you four feet tall? No? Then you can grab the top pillow.

This is by no means a comprehensive list. But these are the things that have been annoying me most as of late.

Date: 2009-02-18 15:56 Subject: MEMAGE! Security: Public

Describe me in one word... just one single word. Positive or negative.

-Leave your word in a comment before looking at what words others have used.

-Then, if you feel the need, copy and paste the meme to your journal to find out how people will describe you when limited to one word.