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ap_nateboi
Date: 2011-06-10 11:31
Subject: My brain is a scary place and I want out
Security: Public
A couple of you know about the song I wrote recently, and Gifted Gear wrote the music. But apparently, my brain wasn't done with its really scary misinterpretation of Dementia artists songs.

Title: Two Out of Three Ain't Bad

I know that there are some people who say I'm obsessed

like when I tried to summon C'thulhu, man was that ever a mess

But I've grown wiser and I've learned to move on

To explain how it all worked I've gone and written this song

See, my heart's changed direction and I'm floating on air

'cause of a certain one man hip hop band with fiery red hair

 

(Chorus)

I've got an epic plan

And I'm gonna get my man

Devo Spice

That's right

He's the one man hip hop band

 

I know he's not my personal IT guy

but when he raps about computers man my heart just flies

And since he said he really loves blood, guts, and boobs

I'll re-create a slasher flick, how can I lose?

Find some camping teenagers and scare 'em towards a cabin

find myself a butcher's knife and get right down to stabbing.

 

(Chorus)

 

I slaughtered all the campers but it didn't do the trick

'Cause people on the news just seem to think I'm sick

I really can't blame them they just don't understand

that he's a god among men only without the tan

But I've got another plan and it should work instead

just have to go and find myself a half a dozen co-eds.

 

(Chorus)

 

Slaughtering the co-eds didn't seem to work

and now everybody thinks that I'm a big jerk

Plus I seem to be running out of slasher flicks

yet Devo Spice still doesn't know I exist

Maybe they're all right and I really am nuts?

Nah, that can't be it, I just need more guts!

 

(Chorus x2)



...yeah, my fiancee says I should stick to short stories...

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ap_nateboi
Date: 2010-09-10 11:34
Subject: Zombies in a mall
Security: Public
Remember when I was doing this? Apparently I just finished another installment.

Swirl was very thankful that he was stronger than the average crow. It was this strength that allowed him to shimmy into many places he likely shouldn't be. For example, the vents and grates of the West Parkway Mall. He'd used his beak and feet to pry open the grate, and then shimmied in as best he could. He felt several feathers get caught and tugged off, causing a yelp of pain but no real troubles. He then proceeded to scramble as quickly as his little bird legs could carry him.

 

Swirl was a familiar, a spirit placed into a physical body with the magical power of his master. In the spirit world he'd been a crow as well, so the transfer from spirit to physical hadn't been particularly jarring. His master, on the other hand? A little difficult to deal with. They'd met during one of Brian's excursions into the spirit world, an attempt to track down dark and corrupting mages. Brian had had a good reputation in that area of the spirit world, having gone out of his way to save the city's bird spirits from a particularly nasty cat spirit, so Swirl hadn't minded being helpful. The request to become a familiar had been a touch more jarring, but he'd been promised quintessence and a chance to grow stronger, so he'd accepted.

 

He hadn't quite realized he was signing on to be mentally and spiritually connected with a gamer geek otaku who ran an occult bookstore. He wasn't at all sure how the man had the social skills he did. He could barely comprehend how the man managed to pick up his blond bombshell of a wife, and he'd been there to watch. Still, Brian had fulfilled his promises, so Swirl considered himself happy. For the most part. Situations like this still annoyed him.

 

He continued running through the air ducts, his claws making a rapid clanking sound with each step. He wasn't particularly familiar with the layout of the mall, since he normally stayed outside during Brian's excursions, so he was going off of guess work. He presumed that as long as he got inside it should be fine.

 

It would have been a fair presumption, had he not begun to notice the threads of magic being woven into the ducts. He cawed a curse, beginning to peck at the walls frantically in an effort to counter magic whatever was being cast. The threads were more powerful than he, however, causing him to suspect that whatever was going on was a bigger issue than he'd previously presumed.

 

Swirl?”

 

Crap. Of all the times Brian decided he needed something. Swirl continued pecking at the walls in an attempt to counter magic while attempting to talk at the same time.

 

Yeah boss?”

 

The threads of magic began to thicken. This couldn't be good. Swirl's mind began to run with possible ways to get out of this mess, but they all involved being able to muscle straight through the air duct and he wasn't sure he could do that.

 

...Did you pay attention to what I was seeing?”

 

I'm a little busy here.”

 

He gave up the idea of counter-magicing, and began running as quickly as he could. The threads continued to thicken, taking on a heavy destructive resonance.

 

...She just did a full on magical girl transformation. Sihllouette and all”

 

So now you want to have sex with her.”

 

Great. So while he was busy dealing with potential death just trying to get into the damn mall, his boss was busy oogling magical girls. Typical.

 

I don't really think I have much of an option at this point.”

 

Good to know some things never...oh shit, gotta go.”

 

The spell being woven over the air ducts was completed, and thick black spikes began to shoot up out of the metal at a rapid pace. Swirl cawed out another curse before putting on as much speed as he could. Stupid bird legs being unable to go quickly! The spikes jutted up and down and across from all sides of the duct at a steady pace, leading Swirl to realize that the spell hadn't been targeting him. It was likely a spell to simply ensure no one and nothing could get in via the air ducts.

 

Unfortunately, he was currently attempting to get in via the air ducts. He ran as quickly as his little bird legs could take him, staying just ahead of the spikes as they jutted through the metal. Closer and closer they came, the air pressure from each spike's appearance shoving on his feathers, and still the air duct seemed endless.

 

Until suddenly, just as a spike jutted through one of his tail feathers, he fell down a hold he hadn't noticed. He tried to flap his wings to steady himself, to some small success, but he still hit an air duct hard enough to knock it from the wall and fall into the mall proper. The sudden stop was painful, and he wondered very seriously if anything had been broken. He lied upon the ground for several moments, taking deep breaths and trying to mentally figure out how in one piece his body was. Could he afford to fix himself if he had broken something? Under normal circumstances he'd say yes, but these were hardly normal circumstances. Finally, he decided he could live with the pain.

 

He got to his feet and looked around just in time to see what appeared to be a zombie flying through the air and landing with a thud nearby. He cawed in surprise, and moved towards the creature. A closer inspection found that his initial guess had been right. It was clearly a dead human being, face half rotted off. Where had it come from?

 

Thankfully, he didn't have to search long. A shouted string of rather creative curse words drew his attention to a short, thick looking woman with shoulder length pink hair. Swirl figured she had a reason to curse, given that she still had three other zombies trying to grab at her and had nothing but her bare hands with which to fight them off. Thankfully, Swirl was not so hurt that there was nothing he could do about this. He spread his wings, pushed himself into the air, and went to help the poor woman.

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ap_nateboi
Date: 2010-08-17 22:32
Subject: Writing project
Security: Public
I was in the mood for another one. You'll have to tell me what you think, and I'll figure out if I accomplished what I was trying for.

Around the chamber laid her teammates, the occasional raspy gasp of breath or unconscious moan of pain the only sign of life. Her own cloak smelled of burnt fabric, and it was by the barest strings she held on to conciousness. They had always given her a hard time about her training, spending so many hours focusing on taking magic within her and storing it for longer and longer periods of time, but it was that very training that allowed her to remain awake when the orb's self-destruct sequence had first activated.

 

The problem was that the orb was still drawing magical energy to itself. The initial blast was nothing more than the activation. Naturally, the orb's activation had sealed the doors, and there was nothing in the room other than the orb itself. The stark white walls were imposing in their blankness, offering no hope of defense or rescue. Even if she could get behind something, how would she possibly save the rest of the team? Gragnard himself weighed nearly as much as the rest of the team combined, let alone his grandfather's axe, and she knew full well he would rather die than leave it behind.

 

No, she had but one option. She pushed herself to her feet, ignoring her joints and muscles screaming in pain. Did she grunt in pain, or did she imagine that? She couldn't tell, the world was in something of a fog. The smell of burnt fabric continued to assault her nose, and she found herself shirking off her cloak without realizing she was moving. The fabric made a dull thump as it crumpled onto the ground, but she was already past noticing.

 

She moved with a slow, steady pace towards the glowing purple orb in the middle of the room, watching it pulse and thrum with power as it continued to draw as much magical energy to itself as possible. She was familiar with the spell, a basic defense built into most magical items. It relied on power over technique, but given the initial blast, that would be all that was necessary. When not weakened, Alleria likely could have drained all the power from the orb and survived. In her current state, she wasn't sure.

 

She stretched out a trembling hand, reaching towards the glowing purple orb that hung in mid-air. Don't think, she told herself. Just do. Their lives depend on it. She pressed her fingers onto the orb, and immediately she felt the rough pinpricks of magic absorption. She distracted herself by letting her thoughts drift to more pleasant feelings of roughness. The feel of dry grass against her bare feet. The fur of her dogs. Remial's stubble as his lips press against hers.

 

The thoughts could only distract her for the first few moments, as the magic began to pour more and more deeply into her body. She felt the energy, hot and acidic, lance through the muscles of her arm and into her body. She clenched her teeth, ignoring the pain. Breath and focus, she could hear in her mentor's creaky old voice. Breath and focus. That thought made her realize she would never see her mentor again. Never hear him chide her for neglecting her studies and training to spend time in the garden. Never again drink rice wine with him while staring out at the stars, discussing the finer points of Aridian versus Fornsite magical theory.

 

Magic. She was acutely aware of magic as it began to overwhelm her body. She could feel the overabundance of magical energy begin to buffet her insides, char her guts and cause blood to seep gently from her pores. For a moment, she thought she might not be able to contain any more. The strength to go on came from seeing her team mates out of the corners of her eyes, and knowing that if she failed, their deaths would be imminent. The orb continued to gather magical energy, thus, she must continue to siphon it.

 

Her body began to shake as the magical energy seared her from the inside out. The headache came quickly, a piercing burn coming from the back of her neck that quickly covered her entire skull like a helmet. She'd absorbed this much energy before, once before, and it had nearly killed her. She was surprised she'd not keeled over dead yet. She knew what was happening, what would happen, if she did not release the energy soon. The theory was well discussed in a number of books. Her eyesight would go soon, possibly within minutes, and her innards would burn out, ceasing to work.

 

She felt herself cough suddenly as the energy buffeted her lungs. A coppery taste filled her mouth, forcing her to spit. At this point, she didn't know if she spat up blood or something worse. Her vision began going blurry, a bright whiteness beginning to fill the edges. Memories came to her unbidden, memories of training sessions with her mentor, his voice a calm and steady cadence as he walked her through ritual steps. Remial's hands on her body, a cool roughness as fingers explored. The owl that sat by her barn every night as a child. She felt herself falling, she felt arms catch her, she felt searing pain all through her body. Through blurry eyes she saw the orb pulsate faintly, and then she saw the glow fade away.

 

She allowed herself to relax at that point, knowing she'd disarmed the trap. Her gaze stopped blurring, drifting into pure whiteness. She thought she heard Remial calling her name, but it was through a tunnel, dream like. She decided he was calling for her, and that thought made her happy. Her thoughts on her lover, she closed her eyes and finally rested.

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ap_nateboi
Date: 2010-02-18 01:02
Subject: TCW Explosion! Episode 7
Security: Public
HERE!

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ap_nateboi
Date: 2010-02-08 19:24
Subject: TCW Explosion! Episode 6
Security: Public
Yeah yeah. I might keep a more steady schedule if anyone at all mentioned any actual interest!

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ap_nateboi
Date: 2010-01-22 12:05
Subject: TCW Explosion, Episode 5
Security: Public
Tags:d v
I've given up all semblance of a regular updating schedule, AND I DON'T CARE!

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ap_nateboi
Date: 2010-01-16 16:47
Subject: PPV 1, Run For Glory
Security: Public
So, it's official, then? No one actually cares about these things? :P

Anyway, it's time for the pay per view!

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ap_nateboi
Date: 2010-01-06 10:31
Subject: TCW Explosion, episode 4
Security: Public
Guys, you gotta remind me when it's Teusday! Otherwise I forget!

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ap_nateboi
Date: 2009-12-31 04:14
Subject: Video Rant
Security: Public
A video rant. Not safe for work, children, or good taste


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ap_nateboi
Date: 2009-12-30 14:18
Subject: TCW Explosion! Episode 3
Security: Public
Just realized I forgot to put this up yesterday. So here it is now.

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